Research estimates 12 per cent of women never get an orgasm - and 75% don’t orgasm during intercourse. Is it a physical problem, an emotional block, or both?

Physical reasons

The most prevalent physical reason is lack of adequate stimulation to the clitoris. Most of the women need direct touch to achieve orgasm, which often doesn’t happen through intercourse alone. You need to pick a position where clitoris gets stimulated, or get fingers to help during the sex.

The second most common factor is being tired or just sick. Our bodies aren’t like machines - you can’t get an orgasm just by pressing a button. If you’re feeling rundown, your body’s priority is sleep and recuperation, not sexual gratification.

Medical reasons

There are some illnesses that can make having an orgasm difficult. In medial terms they’re vascular, neurological or hormone-deficiency disorders.

If you’re taking medications, it could be a side effect of those. Very occasionally, pelvic surgery can cause nerve damage and loss of sensation. If you think any of these conditions may apply to you, talk to your GP.

If, however, you’re in good physical health and you’re getting enough sleep, it’s more likely there’s some kind of psychological issue here.

Psychological reasons

People may tell you to “try to relax”, but if it only was that easy. The problem is that these kinds of psychological blocks aren’t rational - you can’t simply “pull yourself together”.

Find a list of some of the common types of problems women have talked about below:

• Being a perfectionist. You feel sex has to be just right. The environment has to be just so and you have to be in the right mood.
• Fear of losing control. You might have control issue generally in your life, not just sexually.
• Poor self-esteem or body image. Worrying about whether you’re too fat rather than enjoying your physical sensations is a major turn-on killer.
• Shame or guilt about sexuality. This might be due to negative childhood messages, general upbringing or a sexual trauma.
• Distractions. Worrying about whether the children are asleep, problems at work, listening to the TV in the background? Whatever the distraction, it means your mind is not on the job.
• Being a spectator. If you’re just waiting for the moment you orgasm, you’re not enjoying the moment.
• Relationship problems. If there’s tension and serious problems in your relationship, if you’re angry, sort it out before you enter the bedroom.

Orgasm triggers

So how can a women help herself receive an orgasm:

• You need oxygen into your tensing muscles - so breathe deeply
• During sex use a position where you can feel clitoral stimuli
• Rhythmically squeeze your pelvic floor muscles
• Block out negative thoughts or distractions by using a fantasy

Simply talking it through with your partner can also do wonders to your sex life and orgasms.

Some women have trouble orgasming while being on the receiving end of oral sex. Are you one of them? Get some tips from Dan and Jenn who answer the question in this video. Here’s a girl who cannot orgasm even after 45 frustrating minutes.

Hope this has give you some ideas how to go on from here.

Dr Yvonne Fulbright talks about three types of female orgasms in this video. She starts with the basics, the scientific explanation and goes on to describe all the 3 types: vaginal, clitoral and blended.

Sex is more than just pleasure - I’m sure you’ve heard this before. In fact having an orgasm can be very beneficial.

• Orgasms relieve tension! The faster heart beat, the increased blood flow and muscular tautness associated with sexual pleasure all come to a relaxing conclusion with an orgasm, and in the process relieve tensions pent up in your nervous system.
• It is known that after orgasm, especially in the evening, we get sleepy. So if you are bothered by insomnia, this is a way to get cured. That wonderful release of endorphins is very calming.
• Studies have pointed out that sex is an exercise for the heart, provoking at the same time weight loss. An average sex session can burn about 200 calories, as much as running 15 minutes on a treadmill.
• Orgasms work as natural pain management. If you ever noticed forgetting about a headache or menstrual cramps while masturbating or having sex, it is not simply a psychological phenomenon. Endorphins, (natural compounds close to morphine) are released by your body during sex and can increase your tolerance to pain by as much as 70% during orgasm
• Sex improves blood circulation, beneficial especially for the brain, due to increased heart rate and deep breathing. Sexual activity decreases the risk of getting cold and flu. Those who have 1-2 intercourses weekly present 30 % greater amounts of the antibody immunoglobulin A, an immune system’s booster.

..go get healthy now.

Well over half the women are not getting an orgasm during vaginal penetration. Has it always been so or is this a challenge of the new times?

A new book about called “The Secret of African Lovemaking” talks about an ancient African sexual practice - Kunyaza. The author, Nsekuye Bizimana, believes that the secret to female orgasm lies in the sacred practice from Africa.

Kunyaza is a technique that involves an intense stimulation of the woman’s sexual organ. The man taps the internal area of his partner’s vagina with the tip of his penis either with vertical or horizontal movements. The male partner should concentrate on the clitoris area whilst tapping from left to right. Should the tapping prove painful, the area should be lubricated or wait until the vagina gets lubricated naturally. If the male partner does this well, his female partner should be able to get an orgasm in about five minutes.

Read the interview with the author here.