Research estimates 12 per cent of women never get an orgasm - and 75% don’t orgasm during intercourse. Is it a physical problem, an emotional block, or both?

Physical reasons

The most prevalent physical reason is lack of adequate stimulation to the clitoris. Most of the women need direct touch to achieve orgasm, which often doesn’t happen through intercourse alone. You need to pick a position where clitoris gets stimulated, or get fingers to help during the sex.

The second most common factor is being tired or just sick. Our bodies aren’t like machines - you can’t get an orgasm just by pressing a button. If you’re feeling rundown, your body’s priority is sleep and recuperation, not sexual gratification.

Medical reasons

There are some illnesses that can make having an orgasm difficult. In medial terms they’re vascular, neurological or hormone-deficiency disorders.

If you’re taking medications, it could be a side effect of those. Very occasionally, pelvic surgery can cause nerve damage and loss of sensation. If you think any of these conditions may apply to you, talk to your GP.

If, however, you’re in good physical health and you’re getting enough sleep, it’s more likely there’s some kind of psychological issue here.

Psychological reasons

People may tell you to “try to relax”, but if it only was that easy. The problem is that these kinds of psychological blocks aren’t rational - you can’t simply “pull yourself together”.

Find a list of some of the common types of problems women have talked about below:

• Being a perfectionist. You feel sex has to be just right. The environment has to be just so and you have to be in the right mood.
• Fear of losing control. You might have control issue generally in your life, not just sexually.
• Poor self-esteem or body image. Worrying about whether you’re too fat rather than enjoying your physical sensations is a major turn-on killer.
• Shame or guilt about sexuality. This might be due to negative childhood messages, general upbringing or a sexual trauma.
• Distractions. Worrying about whether the children are asleep, problems at work, listening to the TV in the background? Whatever the distraction, it means your mind is not on the job.
• Being a spectator. If you’re just waiting for the moment you orgasm, you’re not enjoying the moment.
• Relationship problems. If there’s tension and serious problems in your relationship, if you’re angry, sort it out before you enter the bedroom.

Orgasm triggers

So how can a women help herself receive an orgasm:

• You need oxygen into your tensing muscles - so breathe deeply
• During sex use a position where you can feel clitoral stimuli
• Rhythmically squeeze your pelvic floor muscles
• Block out negative thoughts or distractions by using a fantasy

Simply talking it through with your partner can also do wonders to your sex life and orgasms.