Men’s Health magazine conducted a survey getting answers from thousands of women regarding sex. What women want in bed? What are their insecurities? What to women want from men?

While a lot of men worry whether they come too soon, that was only a huge concern for 22 percent of women. Interestingly, when women were asked for their top complaint, 22 percent said “more oral, please.”

Next to premature ejaculation, men’s biggest fear is that their penis is too small (as per 17.6 percent of men who listed it as their number-one insecurity), followed closely by how long it takes to achieve another erection after sex (15.4 percent) and being unsure if she reaches orgasm (14.6 percent).

But turns out  what women want in bed is something else. Their biggest complaint is not enough foreplay. No big surprise here! In addition 19 percent say, “He doesn’t know how to touch me,” and 26 percent complain of “the same moves, every time.”

While the stereotype goes that men want sex more than women, the survey points out that 34 percent of women say “I wish we’d do it more.” In other words, not getting enough is the top complaint of roughly a third of everyone who responded, and more women than men had this complaint.

4 key learnings from this survey on what women want in bed:

1. Make feedback sexy, not strained
Improving your sex life comes through candid discussion. The change can come from in-the-throes encouragement rather than pointing out flaws. Show how you’d like to be touched by grazing his or her body gently with your fingers rather than grabbing. Moaning, increased urgency, and verbal enthusiasm will let your partner know what turns you on, while gentle redirection with hand or body position will show what doesn’t.

2. Prolong foreplay
Foreplay should be a progression, not a sprint. Watching a sexy/romantic movie together, flirting over a romantic dinner, whispering sexy remarks in the midst of a crowded party, or cooking breakfast together can all be a prelude to more connected sex. Slow-burning foreplay isn’t only better for you: Longer foreplay helps men synchronize with their partners, giving them better control over ejaculation.

3. Get the timing right
Most couples fall into a rut of having sex at bedtime, but the workweek is the worst time for rock-the-firmament lovemaking. In a separate survey, 64 percent of men said that exhaustion, stress, and packed schedules are the three biggest sex blockers, and women cite being “too tired” as their number one turn-off. So switch up your regular schedule: Order dinner in after a stressful day and canoodle while you wait, or indulge a lazy Saturday morning in bed - times when you’re both stress-free, well-rested, and better able to focus on one another.

4. Foster a feeling of emotional closeness

A third of men and almost 50% of women say that feeling emotionally connected is the most important part of mind-blowing sex. Open your eyes and savor the moment. Pause to breathe and establish eye contact between kisses, be aware of every touch and caress, and be open in conveying your pleasure. The more secure you both feel, the less guarded sex will become.

Do you agree?

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The Hite Report on Female Sexuality research, published in 1998, shows that 94 percent of women can regularly orgasm via self-stimulation. Sadly this is not often happening during sex with a partner because the stimulation is not done in the same way. Men often think women orgasm the same way they do, and they need to be educated.

The definition of sex should change to include clitoral stimulation as a normal part of sex. This would also make sex more egalitarian, no longer exaggeratedly focused on penetration and coitus as the high point or climax of sex. Sex is way too macho the way it is right now.

Society has not been able to quickly overturn centuries of belief about the act, or allowed women to orgasm in their own way. Instead, it has clung to the new trendy term with its old-fashioned idea of sex.

Sex should change into an activity where both women and men get the stimulation they need for orgasm. Since women can easily orgasm via their own clitoral-area stimulation during masturbation, the same stimulation should become an equally important high point to intercourse and penetration in a new version of sex.

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